If Life Is A Game, How Do You Play It?

One of my favorite movies is War Games. This 1983 hacker classic tells the story of a tech-savvy teenager placing the world on the brink of global nuclear warfare without realizing what he's done. While hacking his school's grading system from his home PC, David Lightman (a young Matthew Broderick) stumbles across a network connection that outputs the following question to his monitor, "Shall we play a game?"

We've all been invited to play games. Have you ever stopped to ask yourself What type of game were you invited to play?

This question sounds odd if the games you think of are football, chess, Monopoly, hide-and-seek, etc. We know what type of game these are. They're the ones we can play with family or friends during recess or on a Saturday afternoon. If we don't know how to play them, someone can explain the rules to us. Typically, though the rules vary, the objective of this type of game is to win.

Have you ever been invited to play a game where winning or losing doesn't matter?

I'm sure you have, many times! Though you might not be aware. Business is one such game. So is marriage. Learning, wealth, self-esteem, and community are similarly typed games.

We can categorize every game imaginable into two categories: finite games and infinite games.

James P Carse, an American academic and philosopher, generated this idea and published it in his widely influential book Finite and Infinite Games: A Vision of Life as Play and Possibility in 1983.

Carse explains, "A finite game is played for the purpose of winning, an infinite game for the purpose of continuing the play."

Additional distinctions between the two types of games include:

• How gameplay is improved: Finite games through survival of the fittest; infinite games through evolving the game.

• Interactions between winners and losers: Winners of finite games triumph at the expense of losers; winners of infinite games teach losers better plays.

• Aims: The aim of finite game participants is the same for all--to win; The aims of infinite game participants vary.

• Mastery: Finite games are relatively simple because of explicit articulated rules; Infinite games are complex because the rules change as players agree to change them.

Additionally, an essential contrast between finite and infinite games is how we respond to each. Winning finite games matters only as much as we can look back on the competition to focus on what happened. We were good or bad at that game in the past. Infinite games are forward-thinking. Players look to the future to focus on what's possible, using what happened in the past as feedback.

I learned valuable lessons about the impact of finite and infinite mindsets in how I decided to "play the game" differently in my two careers.

After graduating from college, I accepted the diploma I was given as a scorecard that told everyone that I had won the game of learning. I didn't have the highest GPA (I lost that game). But I was the president of my major's academic society. I then decided to play the game of career. I competed for a job at a reputable organization. I paid attention to how my coworkers did things so that I could figure out how to do them better. And I sought opportunities to show others how much I could win.

As new opportunities came along with my potential to climb ladders, gain prestige, and inflate my ego, I left those who invited me to play the last game for those who asked me to play the next one. Eventually, I won so much that I found myself playing the game of "my dream job." Or so I thought.

I quickly learned that those I now played with were playing their finite games. For them to win, I must lose. My boss (and my boss's boss) are, to this day, the most toxic and psychologically abusive people I've worked with. We weren't teammates working together to perpetuate the infinite game we should have been playing. We were obstacles to succeeding in the finite games we played against each other. I was eventually demoted. I lost that game. In my mind, I was a loser in the finite game of my career. That mindset led me to poorly play the games of confidence, trust, self-acceptance, and hope.

Eventually, I decided to play a new game. I started a career in software development. Though I was unaware at the time, I chose to play this game differently, with an infinite mindset. My aim was no longer winning at the expense of others. It became providing for my family, experiencing autonomy, mastery, and purpose, and helping those I work with to do the same.

At 30-years old, with a wife and two kids, I completed a 13-week software development boot camp leading to an unexpected opportunity as an entry-level Quality Assurance Engineer at a financial technology company. I didn't know what QA engineering was until preparing for the initial interview. However, my emerging infinite mindset prepared me for surprises. At the same time, a finite mindset compels us to prepare against surprise.

I leaned into this new game, caring more about being curious and coachable than revered as a winner.

Over the past several years, engaging with work as an infinite game has resulted in being invited to perpetuate and elevate the game with other infinite players. I've developed great trust, strong credibility, and a reputation as someone others want to work with. Though not my primary aim, I've received promotions and raises as well.

In my previous career, I wanted to be the best. In my current career, I'm focused on being better each day.

Simon Sinek built on James P. Carse's work, writing The Infinite Game, which I strongly recommend. Sinek teaches that "'Better' suggests a journey of constant improvement and makes us feel like we are being invited to contribute our talents and energies to make progress in that journey. 'Better,' in the Infinite Game, is better than 'best.'"

If you've seen War Games, you'll remember how it ends. After David and Dr. Falken convince the United States Air Force to let the prolonged global crisis play out on the military's wall of intelligence displays, global destruction is avoided. After discovering that the international situation was a game played by the military's supercomputer, all in the room learn a lesson in futility. The supercomputer Daniel initiated war games with displays these words, "A strange game. The only winning move is not to play."

The parallel of this insight to finite and infinite games is apropos.

Finite games are good when we play them in the context of infinite gameplay. When asked to play chess, soccer, or capture the flag, it is vital to know the rules and how someone wins.

It's just as important to know when the game we are playing requires an infinite approach. Consider the following invitations to play games we all play:

How do you play the game of work?

How do you play the game of knowledge?

How do you play the game of finance?

How do you play the game of conversation?

How do you play the game of life?

James P. Carse wrote, "If life is a game, how do you play it? The answer will have a huge impact on your choices, your satisfaction, and how you achieve success."